From The War of Art by Steven Pressfield:
“If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), "Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?" chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.”
“Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
Every time I create something or I complete something, the fear of sharing it is so terrifying, it's crazy.
Primarily if it weren't for Tina's encouragement and cheerleading, I probably wouldn't share any of my work. I wouldn't try to create vLogs or even blogs.
Then there are inadvertent encouragers. There are people on Facebook and other social media who put their work out, publish it, share it all the time. They have way more likes than I do. Way more followers than I do. And all these factors create a bubble of fear, indecision, paralysis, and depression.
I'm 42 years old. Until I was about 38, I vowed never to call myself an artist. Calling self an artist is either validated by some form of success or it's hackneyed nomenclature.
And then something clicked. Calling myself an artist became a necessity. It became a battle over fear and rejection, self-doubt and self fulfillment. If I don't call myself "artist", I will never be one. If I don't accept it, despite doing art since I can remember ... waiting until I'm dead won't help.
I'm a full-time creator. A full-time artist. I make my living as a photographer and filmmaker. If I don't accept that, than I'm a waffle in an iron getting burned to the crisp.
And then there's social media.
I've had a long love hate relationship with social media, this blog, Facebook, Instagram, twitter, etc. This blog used to be somewhat popular. Now it's not. I don't care. Now is my time to revitalize. To do, not say. To take back what was mine. To look forward. Not back.
I have to mind the cues I get that sharing work on social media is somehow going to make me a Rembrandt or Degas or Van Gogh or any other so-called successful artist. That's not what it is. The dopamine thrill of "one more like." Nope. The perception of success is bullshit. Success is start to finish. Success is developing an idea, executing it, and then, sharing it. Over and over and over and over and over and over.
"I finished X," declares the artist. "Time to celebrate?" asks the artist?
"No time to celebrate," responds the mentor. "It's time to start Y," says the mentor.
The likes and approvals of others aren't the reason for sharing, it's the process. Everything that came before sharing is what makes happiness and fulfillment. Whether people like it or not, that shouldn't always be the goal. Although the voices in our heads often try to convince us of that.
I'll leave you with this other quote from Pressfield:
“Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do.
Remember our rule of thumb: The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.
Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That's why we feel so much Resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there'd be no Resistance.”